Thursday, 11 May 2017

We have turned a lot of horses out in the field for their holidays and the stables are even more empty than normal. The sales are coming up and l hope to buy a few more inmates for the new season which is very similar to a football club getting new players to boost their squad. Talking of which being a Newcastle United fan as l am we have not only been promoted but have also won the Championship. Our manager Rafa wants to have £100 million to strengthen the squad so as to be competitive in the Premiership which l hope he gets as we receive £200 million for going up! While l don't need quite that amount of money to strengthen my team it would be nice to have a few quid especially after the season we've had! I had a very nice Saturday night staying at Portishead with Kate and we went to a very up market night club called the Queens Shilling. It was only after being there a while that l noticed we were the only mixed couple and all the others were of the same sex. I then saw a large man with a dress on with his arms tied behind his back and a sign round his neck . At this point l told Kate that l thought it may be a good idea to leave as it was getting late! I mowed all my lawns beautifully on Friday only to see one of them completely dug up by badgers on the Sunday night. I have ordered all sorts of repellents to try and keep them out but really it's a bit late as they have done so much damage. 'Bend over and do exactly as l say,' she ordered. I shuddered as she pulled on the long rubber gloves and squeezed the thick liquid from the tube. 'OK,' she said,' This is how you do the washing up ....'

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